Dear Coley – February’s Submissions

Dear Coley is back – with more questions, and little more spice.

Dear Coley is an advice submission section created in January 2023 as part of The Alternative Times


Dear Coley is an advice submission section created in January 2023 as part of The Alternative Times

Cole Ferrentino, Staff Writer/Editor

I need ways to pass the time -Anonymous

I’m not sure what your interests are, but build off of those. I can only speak for myself here, but in my free time I write – something I am able to do with almost no resources apart from my computer. When you do anything that involves immersing yourself in a fantasy world, time goes by insanely fast. If you’re not into that, though, get a job. Almost all of your time will be completely consumed by monotonous folding of clothes and you will never need anything else to do. -Love, Coley


What do you do when your boyfriend gives you a promise ring and you lose it then end up stealing his mom’s wedding ring? They still don’t know – should I leave?? – Anonymous.

Uh oh. Well, if you keep the ring as a replacement for the promise ring, I’m sure he is going to see it. Unless, by some chance, his mom had the exact same ring as the promise ring he bought you. If that’s the case, I’m sure you could pull it off but I would really pity your boyfriend’s mom. If not, just put the poor lady’s ring back when she’s not around. -Love, Coley


What do I do if the person I’m talking to is taking too long to ask if I wanna be his girlfriend? Should I be concerned? It’s been 6 months. -Anonymous

I wouldn’t say you should be concerned, because really there is no reason to ever be concerned over a man. But you should be extremely disappointed. So disappointed, in fact, that you either quit talking to him or start playing your own version of his game. Look, I understand attachment – it’s a big issue for me. Sometimes you don’t want to just let people go. If you happen to be someone who doesn’t want to do that, then I suggest understanding his game and clearing yourself of all expectations you have from him. If he has ten of you, which people like that usually do, get ten of him. If he’s not serious about you, don’t be serious about him. You can keep him around, but only give him what he gives you. There is an odd sense of clarity that comes when you only reciprocate rather than expect. -Love, Coley


How do I ignore someone in the same room? -Anonymous

If you just don’t like the person, don’t be rude about it. Pretend you genuinely don’t see or hear them – wear headphones, look seriously invested in whatever you’re doing, etc. Also, stay on the opposite side of the room if possible. If they do talk to you for some reason, don’t be mean but don’t entertain the conversation either. It’s simple, really – keep it short and sweet.

If they really did something awful to you though and you’re stuck in a class with them, be shameless. Don’t feel bad, just pretend they aren’t even there – like there’s nothing to ignore. -Love, Coley


What is the student perspective on phones in the classroom? – Anonymous

In all honesty, I really disagree with the idea of “it’s always the phones!!”. Now, I’m no mind reader – I can’t speak for any other students, and assuming a staff member asked this question, I am only able to give you my true perspective. I don’t use my phone at ‘inappropriate’ times, but I do check it while I’m doing my work. It doesn’t interfere with anything that I do, because I still intend to get my work done. I feel that even if I did use it during times that would get me reprimanded, I could still complete my work efficiently – because it’s my intention to do so. Students who don’t, simply don’t care. If they want to complete their work, they will do it; regardless of whether or not a phone is in their possession. If they don’t want to do the work, they won’t. -Love, Coley


I think I broke my toe. What do I do? My toe has been hurting since new years. – Anonymous.

It’s February 15th – are you okay? If it’s still hurting, go to urgent care. If you, for some reason, can’t go to urgent care, then put it in an ice bath. Do the PRICE method on your toe: protection, rest, ice, compression, and elevation. -Love, Coley


Is there a way for me to get my grades up? – Anonymous

ACE is probably the easiest school to pass in. We don’t have homework here, and the classwork is both simple and few in quantity. All you need to do is do the work you’re given. It’s possible to bring grades up solely by putting the basic level of effort in. Ask for extra credit opportunities if you want to speed up the process.  -Love, Coley


When someone hurts your feelings badly, how come it’s hard to get over them? Is it really love that we miss or the attachment?

It’s the attachment. I dated someone for nearly two years who was awful to me, and I felt my attachment to them grow even stronger when they did awful, hurtful things. I feel that when you love someone, and they betray you by doing something hurtful, your brain gets confused and does not know what to do. It tricks itself into doing the exact opposite of what it should do. – Love, Coley


How do I communicate something to somebody who is reactionate or who doesn’t comprehend what I’m trying to make them understand?

It’s about being careful with your words and trying to mentally place yourself in their position before communicating what you need to say. As one of those ‘reactionate’ people, I can say that words do indeed hurt and sometimes everything just feels personal. Think as if everything you’re about to say is gonna hurt, and naturally you’ll be more careful. Also use the 3 strike rule. If they don’t get it the first few times while you’re being cautious about it, start being harsher. -Love, Coley