Dear Coley – January’s Submissions

So I have a crush on this boy in my math class. I’m nervous around him and we don’t talk but I see him checking me out sometimes. Do you have any advice on what I should do? Should I be more forward? -Anonymous

It never hurts to test out the waters! But being subtle is everything. Sneak some eye contact when you have the chance, but don’t throw yourself at him. It’s clear this guy knows you’re there, and pays you some attention. Capitalize on that and draw him in.  The key here is to make yourself just barely in his reach. -Love, Coley.

I need help my dad left and I need to find him. Where should I start? -Anonymous

First, it breaks my heart that this has happened to you. My question is – when did this happen? If he willingly chose to leave, though it can be the toughest thing to deal with, I suggest you leave it alone. Why? If a parent chose to leave their child, it means they would never have been fit to be a parent in the first place. I know this, as someone who dealt with child abuse. Actions always speak the loudest, and your father’s choice to leave speaks enough about his character. It’s not worth it.

-Love, Coley

I am so comfortable with this guy, but I don’t think I wanna have a future with him. What should I do? I don’t want to leave him. -Anonymous

What is his stance on the issue? Does he want a future with you? Sometimes, people in long-term relationships can end up more like roommates than soulmates. In experience, though, guys are notoriously noncommittal – ESPECIALLY at our age. If you aren’t sure you want to leave, I suggest you ask him directly about his stance on the future. Who knows – you may be on the same page. Most guys are.

-Love, Coley

How do you make adults who treat you like a child listen to you as if you are an actual person? -Anonymous

This is one of the most annoying things to deal with. But adults, though they don’t act like it around us, have their weak spots too. They pretend not to take those younger than them seriously because it gives them an ego trip. The next time it happens, don’t pay attention to it. If someone older than you talks condescendingly at you, act like they didn’t. Keep talking to them as if you’re equals. I promise you that next time they’ll listen.

-Love, Coley

How do you deal with grief? -Anonymous

They say that grief comes in stages, and you can’t force it to go away. I agree, but only to an extent. You lost something dear to you, and now there’s a void – a gap where that thing used to be. Something (Healthy!) needs to go into that space now. Fill that gap with anything – going out, a creative skill, friendships, etc. Please, though, stay away from substances, self harm, and putting yourself in danger. They won’t help you, and they prolong grief rather than help you heal.

-Love, Coley